Blogging seems to be a common thing nowadays with more than half the people owning a blog either private or open. However, the style of each blog is totally different. Some use a blog to update their friends on their daily lives, thoughts and feelings, some use a private blog to have an outlet for their deepest emotions, others use it as an advertising medium for their small home businesses.
Now, what do I use my blog for? At first, I too wanted a place to write down my most private emotions, an outlet and a storage so that one day, I may look back and laugh at my sillyness and wonder why did I ever think that way. However, I realised that cyberspace is rarely secure, the haven I wanted to create could be visited by anyone anytime. Such private emotions if shown to the world would lay me bare and leave me more naked than any physical nudity can. As such, I chose not to create such a blog. These emotions are private and will remain to be so in my heart, mind and soul where they are safely locked away with a key that only I hold.
Why then did I create this blog? It is due to my love of writing. I may not write very well or articulate myself very well but I do love my own writing. It is a way for me to express myself in a thoughtful manner. It is also to give my good friends whom I share this blog with, a glimpse into a different part of me that they may not always see. Some who see this blog for the first time may find I am rather different online and in real life. Maybe I am, however, both personas are still me. They are just different views of me from different angles. Online, hiding behind the screen and words, I am more free to say what I really mean or feel. Comparatively, I seem to have a problem saying what I mean in front of certain people or at times not even knowing what to say. Maybe someday I can finally be able to fuse the two (though there are more). Then perhaps this blog would be discontinued...
Royston Tan
Hiding behind the Blog
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
015 Single or Attached?
I have gone through 21 years of singlehood and counting. If you ask me, I do feel that I may be missing out on somethings that I could never feel unless I was attached. Trust me when I say I do not actively choose to be a single but neither do I actively go out in search for love. I would rather let nature take its course and accept what fate has arranged for me.
Recently, perhaps due to the season of love or seeing my buddies in wonderful relationships and some feeling miserable over failed attempts, I have been thinking. Do I really want to remain single or go out there and look for a girlfriend? Some say the single life has more freedom, you can do whatever you want without being answerable to anyone at any time. You do not have to devote your time towards anyone. Others say it is a blessing to know that someone cares for you and will be there for you. They say that it is only through the process of loving someone that life will find meaning and be beautiful. Well, the truth I believe lies somewhere in between. You can never compare the single life and the couple life because they are just simply as different as apples and oranges. Each has its own merits and problems. Besides, what do I really know about relationships except from other people's experience and things I see or hear? I'm not in any position to start comparing them. I think the best course of action now is for me to enjoy my singlehood while it lasts and when the time comes and I meet someone special, I can be sure I am ready for her. I should do things singles do which I may miss if I ever get attached (e.g. game, learn a hobby, have female friends...)
Conclusion? There is none. I will see what fate has in store for me come what may.
Royston
Live in the moment,
applies to both singles and couples
Recently, perhaps due to the season of love or seeing my buddies in wonderful relationships and some feeling miserable over failed attempts, I have been thinking. Do I really want to remain single or go out there and look for a girlfriend? Some say the single life has more freedom, you can do whatever you want without being answerable to anyone at any time. You do not have to devote your time towards anyone. Others say it is a blessing to know that someone cares for you and will be there for you. They say that it is only through the process of loving someone that life will find meaning and be beautiful. Well, the truth I believe lies somewhere in between. You can never compare the single life and the couple life because they are just simply as different as apples and oranges. Each has its own merits and problems. Besides, what do I really know about relationships except from other people's experience and things I see or hear? I'm not in any position to start comparing them. I think the best course of action now is for me to enjoy my singlehood while it lasts and when the time comes and I meet someone special, I can be sure I am ready for her. I should do things singles do which I may miss if I ever get attached (e.g. game, learn a hobby, have female friends...)
Conclusion? There is none. I will see what fate has in store for me come what may.
Royston
Live in the moment,
applies to both singles and couples
Friday, February 03, 2006
014 Best times, Best friends
As I look back upon my 21 years of life, it struck me that the happiest times I spent and the best friends I made were all in secondary school. I wondered why... Was it because it was my formative years and those friends around me saw me grow and helped shape me into who I am? I guess that played a large part. However, I am tempted to ask, maybe it was the lack of female distractions. Guy to guy talking always had an ease to it. I always felt more comfortable talking among guys. Then in JC and beyond, girls came into the picture. I used to think platonic friendships were easy. Guys and girls can't be that different, can they? WRONG!!! Guys and girls are simply wired differently. We have different priorities and see different things. When guys see girls or girls see guys, there are just so many things that are not said or done. Guys may not say what they really mean or try to act cool in front of girls. I am not sure what girls do but I'm sure they are different from when they are just a bunch of girls. Perhaps Life can never go back to what it used to be before girls came into the picture. Oh well... We just have to accept what comes along. I have to learn to adapt to life with species of the opposing sex, if not I would have to find a mountain to live on my own. hahahaha...
Royston
Best friends are made when there are no distractions of girls
Royston
Best friends are made when there are no distractions of girls
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
013 Emotions
Recently, my emotions have been forced into an overdrive. I wonder what is the cause of it. Perhaps for the years of my single life, I never knew what I missed and thus lived blissfully in the ignorance of couples and love. Somehow in uni, something tripped in me. I get this feeling that I can no longer go on alone. Is this what leads a guy to go into a desperado mode? I do not wish to go there. Perhaps I need to cool off for a while. Stay far away from the girls and hang out with the guys. I believe I can live on my own and I do not need anyone in my life. I remember a time where I even thought I would go into monkhood. Where has that ability of self-reliance gone? Perhaps this is just a phase which will pass. Perhaps...
Royston Tan
Maybe I wasn't meant to love
Royston Tan
Maybe I wasn't meant to love
Monday, January 02, 2006
012 2005, A year in review
This year has been an interesting one indeed. A lot of things has happened to me and I think I have grown much mentally and emotionally.
Firstly, I am no longer serving in the army. ORD came at last in april. Though I looked forward to that day for a very long time, when the day came, I did feel a bit of sadness. Afterall, it was in camp that I met Derek, Yong Jie, Henry, Leonard and many many more. Who said army wasn't fun? I feel we had a lot of fun and got to know each other better in army. I can never forget the times spent talking on the beds discussing each other's relationship problems [or rather the lack of it for me. :) ]
Then, I started work in Studio Haroobee. To say the least, it was a very enriching and humbling experience to work around such talented and smart people. Some are blessed with great artistic sense and others are blessed with their smart talent in handling businesses [you know who you are]. However what struck me most was their passion and desire in the arts and their desire to pass it on. I used to ask the purpose of everything. But I realised not everything has to have a purpose and the arts do not have to serve any purpose but it is important nonetheless.
Some of you may not know but I actually worked as a cleaner cum baker cum "teacher". It was a really interesting experience as I never thought I could do art, much less teach. However, I realise that everyone's view on the arts is different. I have my own views and they don't have to fit to the views of others. This applies to life as well. I think I am slowly getting it. I have my views and my ideas. I will try not to force my idea on other people but I will not let other people decide my views as well.
In August, school life in NUS started. It was a mad rush from the very beginning. There were new friends to be made, endless hours spent on essays and tutorials and last but not least an emotional roller coaster ride. It has been 21 years of singlehood for me and it is still continuing. It is not that I don't like girls, neither is it because I don't want to get into a relationship. In fact, I think there was a period of time where I was even desperate to get into one with all the friends around me getting attached. However, I realised that there is no point forcing it if I haven't found the right girl and I will never find the right girl unless I get to know girls better being myself. So I shall just remain myself and get to know the people around me better. [Girls please don't close the doors on me :)]
All in all 2005 is a good year but I think 2006 will be better and I can't wait.
Royston Tan
Love is discovered not seeked
Firstly, I am no longer serving in the army. ORD came at last in april. Though I looked forward to that day for a very long time, when the day came, I did feel a bit of sadness. Afterall, it was in camp that I met Derek, Yong Jie, Henry, Leonard and many many more. Who said army wasn't fun? I feel we had a lot of fun and got to know each other better in army. I can never forget the times spent talking on the beds discussing each other's relationship problems [or rather the lack of it for me. :) ]
Then, I started work in Studio Haroobee. To say the least, it was a very enriching and humbling experience to work around such talented and smart people. Some are blessed with great artistic sense and others are blessed with their smart talent in handling businesses [you know who you are]. However what struck me most was their passion and desire in the arts and their desire to pass it on. I used to ask the purpose of everything. But I realised not everything has to have a purpose and the arts do not have to serve any purpose but it is important nonetheless.
Some of you may not know but I actually worked as a cleaner cum baker cum "teacher". It was a really interesting experience as I never thought I could do art, much less teach. However, I realise that everyone's view on the arts is different. I have my own views and they don't have to fit to the views of others. This applies to life as well. I think I am slowly getting it. I have my views and my ideas. I will try not to force my idea on other people but I will not let other people decide my views as well.
In August, school life in NUS started. It was a mad rush from the very beginning. There were new friends to be made, endless hours spent on essays and tutorials and last but not least an emotional roller coaster ride. It has been 21 years of singlehood for me and it is still continuing. It is not that I don't like girls, neither is it because I don't want to get into a relationship. In fact, I think there was a period of time where I was even desperate to get into one with all the friends around me getting attached. However, I realised that there is no point forcing it if I haven't found the right girl and I will never find the right girl unless I get to know girls better being myself. So I shall just remain myself and get to know the people around me better. [Girls please don't close the doors on me :)]
All in all 2005 is a good year but I think 2006 will be better and I can't wait.
Royston Tan
Love is discovered not seeked
Sunday, July 24, 2005
011 Terror
In the recent years, it seems terrorists have come to the forefront of our attention. Though many governments have stepped forward in the "War Against Terror", I fear this "war" can never be won. It is an endless and senseless fight in which no side wishes to give way.
From the "civilised" world comprising of most of the countries of the United Nations, they are not going to stop their hunt for Osama or any other head terrorist. They have vowed not to give up or cower before the terrorist's bombings and execution. All this sounds right but have we just been brainwashed by the media?
What is the cost of all these? We have caught a few of the main Al-Qaeda members but not the head. We have lost many good men on our side and on their side (though not many will see their side as good men). Even if we do kill or catch Osama, what's to stop another person from stepping up and picking up where he left off. Osama is a figurine, nothing more. Even if he dies, his people are still fighting for an ideal. However corrupt that ideal may seem to us, as long as they still believe in it, this war would never end.
It seems illogical to sympathise with these terrorists but actually, it is true. They need our sympathy as well. Imagine yourself living as one of them. Whether they took part in terrorist activities in the first place, their country and race has already been potrayed as one of baddies. Just take a look at our media reports around us. Do we actually see what is going on in their country? Do we feel the hardship they go through living in a war torn country? Do we see the racism this people put up with when they move to other countries? No, we don't. We can try to imagine but we can never really feel it. Not with our comfortable peaceful lives. Social divide through income and ethnic groups are widening every second. There's little anyone is doing to stop it.
What can we do about all these? Honestly, not much. These thoughts of inferior and superior race has been around for ages. implanted into young minds even before they learn algebra. It is difficult if not impossible to do a reverse engineering of a mind programmed so young. People are simply too absorbed in themselves and their "superior" race to see the good points in other people. They only see the bad points and put others down. What's the point of all these?
I believe that I am lucky as my ancestry as a Peranakan puts me in a unique position closer to chinese and yet not too alienated from malay culture. Hopefully, I can learn Malay later on to further go down that path. I don't mean to forsake my chinese heritage. It's just that I wish that maybe more can step forward to close the gap, build a bridge if you will across the ethnic groups. We are not so different after all. If you cut a malay, chinese or indian, we all bleed and the blood is red. None of us has green or blue blood. What's the difference? Why the disparity?
Royston Tan
There is only one race,
The Human Race. When can we achieve that?
From the "civilised" world comprising of most of the countries of the United Nations, they are not going to stop their hunt for Osama or any other head terrorist. They have vowed not to give up or cower before the terrorist's bombings and execution. All this sounds right but have we just been brainwashed by the media?
What is the cost of all these? We have caught a few of the main Al-Qaeda members but not the head. We have lost many good men on our side and on their side (though not many will see their side as good men). Even if we do kill or catch Osama, what's to stop another person from stepping up and picking up where he left off. Osama is a figurine, nothing more. Even if he dies, his people are still fighting for an ideal. However corrupt that ideal may seem to us, as long as they still believe in it, this war would never end.
It seems illogical to sympathise with these terrorists but actually, it is true. They need our sympathy as well. Imagine yourself living as one of them. Whether they took part in terrorist activities in the first place, their country and race has already been potrayed as one of baddies. Just take a look at our media reports around us. Do we actually see what is going on in their country? Do we feel the hardship they go through living in a war torn country? Do we see the racism this people put up with when they move to other countries? No, we don't. We can try to imagine but we can never really feel it. Not with our comfortable peaceful lives. Social divide through income and ethnic groups are widening every second. There's little anyone is doing to stop it.
What can we do about all these? Honestly, not much. These thoughts of inferior and superior race has been around for ages. implanted into young minds even before they learn algebra. It is difficult if not impossible to do a reverse engineering of a mind programmed so young. People are simply too absorbed in themselves and their "superior" race to see the good points in other people. They only see the bad points and put others down. What's the point of all these?
I believe that I am lucky as my ancestry as a Peranakan puts me in a unique position closer to chinese and yet not too alienated from malay culture. Hopefully, I can learn Malay later on to further go down that path. I don't mean to forsake my chinese heritage. It's just that I wish that maybe more can step forward to close the gap, build a bridge if you will across the ethnic groups. We are not so different after all. If you cut a malay, chinese or indian, we all bleed and the blood is red. None of us has green or blue blood. What's the difference? Why the disparity?
Royston Tan
There is only one race,
The Human Race. When can we achieve that?
Saturday, July 16, 2005
010 Who am I?
At some point of life, most intelligent people are bound to ask themselves, who am I? What is my purpose in life? It seemed this question came to me when I am at the crossroads.
All my life, I have been convinced that I liked science and that researching and teaching is what I really want to do. Is it really the case? Now, the question hits me. Did I do well in science because I like it or did I get interested in science only because I did well? The only person that can answer that is myself but even I do not trust my own perception. After 10 years of brainwashing that science is superior, can I really trust my perception? I guess the answer can never be found. However, in our current society, it is true that science is superior only because you can more likely rely on it to bring home the bacon. It looks like I'll just follow the path that I'm on. Hopefully I'll reach a lucrative job, earn enough and retire to pursue my "real" interests.
Royston Tan
Where does the real me lie?
All my life, I have been convinced that I liked science and that researching and teaching is what I really want to do. Is it really the case? Now, the question hits me. Did I do well in science because I like it or did I get interested in science only because I did well? The only person that can answer that is myself but even I do not trust my own perception. After 10 years of brainwashing that science is superior, can I really trust my perception? I guess the answer can never be found. However, in our current society, it is true that science is superior only because you can more likely rely on it to bring home the bacon. It looks like I'll just follow the path that I'm on. Hopefully I'll reach a lucrative job, earn enough and retire to pursue my "real" interests.
Royston Tan
Where does the real me lie?
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