The nightlife is always so much more appealing to me. There is something about the blanketing darkness, the cool night breeze that appeals to me. Perhaps some may say I prefer to hide in darkness, perhaps some say I do not dare face the light. Let them say what they like. Perhaps there is a certain truth to what they say... then again... perhaps not.
When you mention nightlife however, people think of different things. Most people think of clubs, pubs and even nightclubs. Though these form part of the nightlife, they do not figure high on my to do list (esp not nightclubs). To me I much prefer the simpler things in the night, a supper at a good supper spot with good food and even better company. Somehow the night makes it easier to talk. Words and topics come freely and easily. Things that are hidden in the day come out to play. When tiredness finally sets in, the songs of the night takes over.
Clubs and pubs... They are so different from the simple supper spots. However, they do add an interesting dimension to nightlife. Years ago, I recalled wondering, what's with all these adults drinking a bitter liquid that turns normally sensible men into retards who cannot even control their actions and bowels. Today, I am happy to say, I am not one of those men. I do drink, that I admit but only when with friends and only when I am happy. Alcohol does give a certain sense of euphoria that nothing else provides but only in moderation. I guess I am lucky in the sense that even when I am drunk, I know what I am doing and I know how to take care of myself. There is a limit to how much I can drink and I will not overstep that boundary. However, wherever I am, whatever I do, there is always a bottomline when I go drinking. It is a rule that I set for myself a long time ago and it is a rule which I will never break. Never drink when I am sad. Drinking is only for happy occasions. Only cowards who cannot face their problems drown their sorrows in alcohol. In the end, they get a temporary relieve, a big bad headache and a huge hit to the liver. For what purpose if I may ask. Alcohols should never be wasted on sadness but rather to celebrate happiness and friendship.
Royston Tan
Alcohol, curse or blessing...
Friday, December 22, 2006
Thursday, July 27, 2006
019 Dreams Are My Reality
Have you ever had a dream so wonderful, so beautiful, so vivid that you thought it was real? I had one recently. Perhaps it was my sub-conscious mind cheering me up, or maybe it was a message. Then again, it might just be a premonition of things to come. I somehow wish it was the last option.
Though it is a very private dream, for once, I feel like sharing it. It was a very simple dream, but there was one moment that I remembered very vividly. It was a feeling I never felt before except in this dream. I was walking along the street on my way home. Beside me was this lovely lady whom I just cannot seem to remember the face of. (Perhaps it is a surprise that fate planned for me.) I was holding her hand and she was holding mine. It was this blissful feeling of being in love with someone and being loved in return. It was a dream, but I could almost feel her hand, the softness of her touch and her warmth. I remember having to let go of her hand to do something but she refused to let me go. I relented, so we just held hands and continued walking. She wanted me to clasp her hand with both hands and so I did. She then clasp her hand over mine. Though it was hard to walk that way, it was just a beautiful moment to me.
To some of you this dream may seem too insignificant with nothing much in it. However, I feel different. It was the touch of her hand that conveyed feelings more than any word could. It is a feeling I cannot simply describe with words for words would de-value it.
Perhaps it shows my longing for a one true love, perhaps it is a sign of things to come. I do not know. All I know is, I enjoyed the dream and it brightened up my day.
To the lady of my dream, I don't know who you are or how you look like but you brightened up my life just by simply coming to me in this dream. To live this dream, I am willing to search for you, I am willing to wait for you...
Royston Tan
If only dreams come true...
Though it is a very private dream, for once, I feel like sharing it. It was a very simple dream, but there was one moment that I remembered very vividly. It was a feeling I never felt before except in this dream. I was walking along the street on my way home. Beside me was this lovely lady whom I just cannot seem to remember the face of. (Perhaps it is a surprise that fate planned for me.) I was holding her hand and she was holding mine. It was this blissful feeling of being in love with someone and being loved in return. It was a dream, but I could almost feel her hand, the softness of her touch and her warmth. I remember having to let go of her hand to do something but she refused to let me go. I relented, so we just held hands and continued walking. She wanted me to clasp her hand with both hands and so I did. She then clasp her hand over mine. Though it was hard to walk that way, it was just a beautiful moment to me.
To some of you this dream may seem too insignificant with nothing much in it. However, I feel different. It was the touch of her hand that conveyed feelings more than any word could. It is a feeling I cannot simply describe with words for words would de-value it.
Perhaps it shows my longing for a one true love, perhaps it is a sign of things to come. I do not know. All I know is, I enjoyed the dream and it brightened up my day.
To the lady of my dream, I don't know who you are or how you look like but you brightened up my life just by simply coming to me in this dream. To live this dream, I am willing to search for you, I am willing to wait for you...
Royston Tan
If only dreams come true...
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
018 Love actually...
Why do people fall in love? Many do so because they do not want to be alone anymore. I do agree it is a nice feeling to know you are needed and cared about by someone and in return you do care for and need the person. The mutual care and appreciation is something that not as evident amongst even the best of friends. They search for that soulmate who would be there for them when no one else cares. I think it is a good enough reason for me but I slowly begin to realise that true perfect love like in the stories never exist. No one goes living happily ever after.
In spite of all the beautiful images of love that I see in the movies and books, Love in reality is never like that. Love brings with it the many many emotions that we would rather not see, many hidden clauses inside that we would normally avoid at all cost. The lost and confused feeling during the courting stage, the feeling of insecurity of comparison, the fear of losing, the fear of upsetting that special someone, the petty squabbles, the times where you almost give it all up, too tired to go on and when it is all over, the overwhelming feeling of loss and the flood of old memories both good and bad. All these in the insane package of LOVE. Considering all these, it is amazing the number of people who fall in love everyday. Maybe in the end it is worth it if you find that special someone. I won't know, I haven't met her yet...
Royston Tan
You must be crazy to fall in love
In spite of all the beautiful images of love that I see in the movies and books, Love in reality is never like that. Love brings with it the many many emotions that we would rather not see, many hidden clauses inside that we would normally avoid at all cost. The lost and confused feeling during the courting stage, the feeling of insecurity of comparison, the fear of losing, the fear of upsetting that special someone, the petty squabbles, the times where you almost give it all up, too tired to go on and when it is all over, the overwhelming feeling of loss and the flood of old memories both good and bad. All these in the insane package of LOVE. Considering all these, it is amazing the number of people who fall in love everyday. Maybe in the end it is worth it if you find that special someone. I won't know, I haven't met her yet...
Royston Tan
You must be crazy to fall in love
Monday, June 26, 2006
017 Understanding myself
It has been a while since I entered this blog. For a while I thought I was just going to let it die off which was actually a good thing. For the friends who actually bother to read it, be glad that I do not blog cause when I blog, it is usually when I am feeling unhappy or bothered. However, here I am blogging yet again and for those who know the reason, all is not really well in my life right now. I need time, to sort things out and think things through but do not worry for me, I will be not be bogged down for long. I will get back a stronger and better person
The many things that happened between this post and the last made me re-think my outlook in life. Many people think they know themselves very well. They knew what they wanted to have, knew what they wanted to be, knew what kind of people they like and many many more... However, I realise that we are constantly changing even if we do not realise it. What you liked before may not be what you like a year from now. However, what is less changing are the things we do not like or even hate. Perhaps it is through a process of elimination, where we go through many things that we know the things we definitely do not want, gradually cutting down the population to the things we want. However, there is a possibility that in the end, we cut out everything, leaving us with nothing. Hopefully neither me nor my friends would live to see those days.
This realization brought me to a conclusion on love. Most of the time, first loves do not work out because nobody starts out knowing exactly what they want. Some do get lucky and meet the perfect one, but for the rest of us, it is a slow painful process where we meet someone, get our hopes up that he or she may be the one before hitting the cold wall when you realise that you have made a terrible mistake. It is not so easy to just let it go where love is concerned. It takes time, the higher the hopes, the longer it takes. Yet, it is through this painful cycle that we actually grow and perhaps when we find the one, we cherish him or her even more. Is there another way? If there is, I would love to look at it, perhaps then I can avoid heartbreaks and help others are facing the same vicious cycle.
Royston Tan
It is not what we want that decides who we are, it is what we do not want that decides it.
The many things that happened between this post and the last made me re-think my outlook in life. Many people think they know themselves very well. They knew what they wanted to have, knew what they wanted to be, knew what kind of people they like and many many more... However, I realise that we are constantly changing even if we do not realise it. What you liked before may not be what you like a year from now. However, what is less changing are the things we do not like or even hate. Perhaps it is through a process of elimination, where we go through many things that we know the things we definitely do not want, gradually cutting down the population to the things we want. However, there is a possibility that in the end, we cut out everything, leaving us with nothing. Hopefully neither me nor my friends would live to see those days.
This realization brought me to a conclusion on love. Most of the time, first loves do not work out because nobody starts out knowing exactly what they want. Some do get lucky and meet the perfect one, but for the rest of us, it is a slow painful process where we meet someone, get our hopes up that he or she may be the one before hitting the cold wall when you realise that you have made a terrible mistake. It is not so easy to just let it go where love is concerned. It takes time, the higher the hopes, the longer it takes. Yet, it is through this painful cycle that we actually grow and perhaps when we find the one, we cherish him or her even more. Is there another way? If there is, I would love to look at it, perhaps then I can avoid heartbreaks and help others are facing the same vicious cycle.
Royston Tan
It is not what we want that decides who we are, it is what we do not want that decides it.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
016 What's in a Blog?
Blogging seems to be a common thing nowadays with more than half the people owning a blog either private or open. However, the style of each blog is totally different. Some use a blog to update their friends on their daily lives, thoughts and feelings, some use a private blog to have an outlet for their deepest emotions, others use it as an advertising medium for their small home businesses.
Now, what do I use my blog for? At first, I too wanted a place to write down my most private emotions, an outlet and a storage so that one day, I may look back and laugh at my sillyness and wonder why did I ever think that way. However, I realised that cyberspace is rarely secure, the haven I wanted to create could be visited by anyone anytime. Such private emotions if shown to the world would lay me bare and leave me more naked than any physical nudity can. As such, I chose not to create such a blog. These emotions are private and will remain to be so in my heart, mind and soul where they are safely locked away with a key that only I hold.
Why then did I create this blog? It is due to my love of writing. I may not write very well or articulate myself very well but I do love my own writing. It is a way for me to express myself in a thoughtful manner. It is also to give my good friends whom I share this blog with, a glimpse into a different part of me that they may not always see. Some who see this blog for the first time may find I am rather different online and in real life. Maybe I am, however, both personas are still me. They are just different views of me from different angles. Online, hiding behind the screen and words, I am more free to say what I really mean or feel. Comparatively, I seem to have a problem saying what I mean in front of certain people or at times not even knowing what to say. Maybe someday I can finally be able to fuse the two (though there are more). Then perhaps this blog would be discontinued...
Royston Tan
Hiding behind the Blog
Now, what do I use my blog for? At first, I too wanted a place to write down my most private emotions, an outlet and a storage so that one day, I may look back and laugh at my sillyness and wonder why did I ever think that way. However, I realised that cyberspace is rarely secure, the haven I wanted to create could be visited by anyone anytime. Such private emotions if shown to the world would lay me bare and leave me more naked than any physical nudity can. As such, I chose not to create such a blog. These emotions are private and will remain to be so in my heart, mind and soul where they are safely locked away with a key that only I hold.
Why then did I create this blog? It is due to my love of writing. I may not write very well or articulate myself very well but I do love my own writing. It is a way for me to express myself in a thoughtful manner. It is also to give my good friends whom I share this blog with, a glimpse into a different part of me that they may not always see. Some who see this blog for the first time may find I am rather different online and in real life. Maybe I am, however, both personas are still me. They are just different views of me from different angles. Online, hiding behind the screen and words, I am more free to say what I really mean or feel. Comparatively, I seem to have a problem saying what I mean in front of certain people or at times not even knowing what to say. Maybe someday I can finally be able to fuse the two (though there are more). Then perhaps this blog would be discontinued...
Royston Tan
Hiding behind the Blog
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
015 Single or Attached?
I have gone through 21 years of singlehood and counting. If you ask me, I do feel that I may be missing out on somethings that I could never feel unless I was attached. Trust me when I say I do not actively choose to be a single but neither do I actively go out in search for love. I would rather let nature take its course and accept what fate has arranged for me.
Recently, perhaps due to the season of love or seeing my buddies in wonderful relationships and some feeling miserable over failed attempts, I have been thinking. Do I really want to remain single or go out there and look for a girlfriend? Some say the single life has more freedom, you can do whatever you want without being answerable to anyone at any time. You do not have to devote your time towards anyone. Others say it is a blessing to know that someone cares for you and will be there for you. They say that it is only through the process of loving someone that life will find meaning and be beautiful. Well, the truth I believe lies somewhere in between. You can never compare the single life and the couple life because they are just simply as different as apples and oranges. Each has its own merits and problems. Besides, what do I really know about relationships except from other people's experience and things I see or hear? I'm not in any position to start comparing them. I think the best course of action now is for me to enjoy my singlehood while it lasts and when the time comes and I meet someone special, I can be sure I am ready for her. I should do things singles do which I may miss if I ever get attached (e.g. game, learn a hobby, have female friends...)
Conclusion? There is none. I will see what fate has in store for me come what may.
Royston
Live in the moment,
applies to both singles and couples
Recently, perhaps due to the season of love or seeing my buddies in wonderful relationships and some feeling miserable over failed attempts, I have been thinking. Do I really want to remain single or go out there and look for a girlfriend? Some say the single life has more freedom, you can do whatever you want without being answerable to anyone at any time. You do not have to devote your time towards anyone. Others say it is a blessing to know that someone cares for you and will be there for you. They say that it is only through the process of loving someone that life will find meaning and be beautiful. Well, the truth I believe lies somewhere in between. You can never compare the single life and the couple life because they are just simply as different as apples and oranges. Each has its own merits and problems. Besides, what do I really know about relationships except from other people's experience and things I see or hear? I'm not in any position to start comparing them. I think the best course of action now is for me to enjoy my singlehood while it lasts and when the time comes and I meet someone special, I can be sure I am ready for her. I should do things singles do which I may miss if I ever get attached (e.g. game, learn a hobby, have female friends...)
Conclusion? There is none. I will see what fate has in store for me come what may.
Royston
Live in the moment,
applies to both singles and couples
Friday, February 03, 2006
014 Best times, Best friends
As I look back upon my 21 years of life, it struck me that the happiest times I spent and the best friends I made were all in secondary school. I wondered why... Was it because it was my formative years and those friends around me saw me grow and helped shape me into who I am? I guess that played a large part. However, I am tempted to ask, maybe it was the lack of female distractions. Guy to guy talking always had an ease to it. I always felt more comfortable talking among guys. Then in JC and beyond, girls came into the picture. I used to think platonic friendships were easy. Guys and girls can't be that different, can they? WRONG!!! Guys and girls are simply wired differently. We have different priorities and see different things. When guys see girls or girls see guys, there are just so many things that are not said or done. Guys may not say what they really mean or try to act cool in front of girls. I am not sure what girls do but I'm sure they are different from when they are just a bunch of girls. Perhaps Life can never go back to what it used to be before girls came into the picture. Oh well... We just have to accept what comes along. I have to learn to adapt to life with species of the opposing sex, if not I would have to find a mountain to live on my own. hahahaha...
Royston
Best friends are made when there are no distractions of girls
Royston
Best friends are made when there are no distractions of girls
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
013 Emotions
Recently, my emotions have been forced into an overdrive. I wonder what is the cause of it. Perhaps for the years of my single life, I never knew what I missed and thus lived blissfully in the ignorance of couples and love. Somehow in uni, something tripped in me. I get this feeling that I can no longer go on alone. Is this what leads a guy to go into a desperado mode? I do not wish to go there. Perhaps I need to cool off for a while. Stay far away from the girls and hang out with the guys. I believe I can live on my own and I do not need anyone in my life. I remember a time where I even thought I would go into monkhood. Where has that ability of self-reliance gone? Perhaps this is just a phase which will pass. Perhaps...
Royston Tan
Maybe I wasn't meant to love
Royston Tan
Maybe I wasn't meant to love
Monday, January 02, 2006
012 2005, A year in review
This year has been an interesting one indeed. A lot of things has happened to me and I think I have grown much mentally and emotionally.
Firstly, I am no longer serving in the army. ORD came at last in april. Though I looked forward to that day for a very long time, when the day came, I did feel a bit of sadness. Afterall, it was in camp that I met Derek, Yong Jie, Henry, Leonard and many many more. Who said army wasn't fun? I feel we had a lot of fun and got to know each other better in army. I can never forget the times spent talking on the beds discussing each other's relationship problems [or rather the lack of it for me. :) ]
Then, I started work in Studio Haroobee. To say the least, it was a very enriching and humbling experience to work around such talented and smart people. Some are blessed with great artistic sense and others are blessed with their smart talent in handling businesses [you know who you are]. However what struck me most was their passion and desire in the arts and their desire to pass it on. I used to ask the purpose of everything. But I realised not everything has to have a purpose and the arts do not have to serve any purpose but it is important nonetheless.
Some of you may not know but I actually worked as a cleaner cum baker cum "teacher". It was a really interesting experience as I never thought I could do art, much less teach. However, I realise that everyone's view on the arts is different. I have my own views and they don't have to fit to the views of others. This applies to life as well. I think I am slowly getting it. I have my views and my ideas. I will try not to force my idea on other people but I will not let other people decide my views as well.
In August, school life in NUS started. It was a mad rush from the very beginning. There were new friends to be made, endless hours spent on essays and tutorials and last but not least an emotional roller coaster ride. It has been 21 years of singlehood for me and it is still continuing. It is not that I don't like girls, neither is it because I don't want to get into a relationship. In fact, I think there was a period of time where I was even desperate to get into one with all the friends around me getting attached. However, I realised that there is no point forcing it if I haven't found the right girl and I will never find the right girl unless I get to know girls better being myself. So I shall just remain myself and get to know the people around me better. [Girls please don't close the doors on me :)]
All in all 2005 is a good year but I think 2006 will be better and I can't wait.
Royston Tan
Love is discovered not seeked
Firstly, I am no longer serving in the army. ORD came at last in april. Though I looked forward to that day for a very long time, when the day came, I did feel a bit of sadness. Afterall, it was in camp that I met Derek, Yong Jie, Henry, Leonard and many many more. Who said army wasn't fun? I feel we had a lot of fun and got to know each other better in army. I can never forget the times spent talking on the beds discussing each other's relationship problems [or rather the lack of it for me. :) ]
Then, I started work in Studio Haroobee. To say the least, it was a very enriching and humbling experience to work around such talented and smart people. Some are blessed with great artistic sense and others are blessed with their smart talent in handling businesses [you know who you are]. However what struck me most was their passion and desire in the arts and their desire to pass it on. I used to ask the purpose of everything. But I realised not everything has to have a purpose and the arts do not have to serve any purpose but it is important nonetheless.
Some of you may not know but I actually worked as a cleaner cum baker cum "teacher". It was a really interesting experience as I never thought I could do art, much less teach. However, I realise that everyone's view on the arts is different. I have my own views and they don't have to fit to the views of others. This applies to life as well. I think I am slowly getting it. I have my views and my ideas. I will try not to force my idea on other people but I will not let other people decide my views as well.
In August, school life in NUS started. It was a mad rush from the very beginning. There were new friends to be made, endless hours spent on essays and tutorials and last but not least an emotional roller coaster ride. It has been 21 years of singlehood for me and it is still continuing. It is not that I don't like girls, neither is it because I don't want to get into a relationship. In fact, I think there was a period of time where I was even desperate to get into one with all the friends around me getting attached. However, I realised that there is no point forcing it if I haven't found the right girl and I will never find the right girl unless I get to know girls better being myself. So I shall just remain myself and get to know the people around me better. [Girls please don't close the doors on me :)]
All in all 2005 is a good year but I think 2006 will be better and I can't wait.
Royston Tan
Love is discovered not seeked
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