029 Ode to Nice Guys

I found this piece online by chance, thought I would share it.

To the person wrote it, though you may never see this, thanks.

In case you were wondering, it was written by Fu-zu Jen for Wharton Undergraduate Journal.

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl's every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they're at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don't end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn't worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you'd ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn't have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing "serious" between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: "oh, but we're just friends!" And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyway. Because you're nice like that.

The nice guys don't often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don't seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can't. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as "oh, he's too nice to date" or "he would be a good boyfriend but he's not for me" or "he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn't possibly ask him out!" or the most frustrating of all: "no, it would ruin our friendship." Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can't figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I'm going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn't last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you're sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Royston Tan
A nice guy? You judge...

028 Lessons from 2007

So the New Year has come and another year has passed. A friend asked me, over the past year, what have I learn? Did what I learn make me a better person? I wonder...

I learnt a lesson long ago about cherishing those around you, I guess that lesson has been reinforced again with the loss of my grandma... I never did spend enough time with her using all the stupid excuses of being too busy. Well, you can be busy, but work is never ending and time spent brightening up the life of another human being is never time wasted. With all the globalization, internet and all speeding our lives up, I guess a lesson all of us need to learn is never to lose sight of the most important things in your life. Is mugging for that grade A really more important than family time? I don't think so anymore.

Who are the ones important to me? Well... There are a few. I won't list them by name but I hope my actions speaks louder than words and you already know who you are. Well... though I don't like to list names, but two of them deserve special mention. My two brothers in arms, Kevin and Yihe. We've known each other for... 10 years. Never have I met people who understand me better than you do and I would trust you with my life. We may differ in opinions at times but yet it is through our differences that we better compliment each other. I'll just stop here before it gets too mushy but here's a simple thanks to you, for all you have taught me in my life.

There was also one I used to cherish, whose name I shall not mention. I'm sorry for keeping the hate so long, for not being able to forgive. When you took that first step to seek my forgiveness, I realize how I've been hating for far too long, remembering only the painful end and forgetting the good times that we shared. Thank you for the good times we spent, no matter how short it was and thank you for teaching me that holding hatred only brings pain to me and those around me. Though things did not work out for you and me, I hope you find happiness someday in someone who would hold the key to unlock your heart the way I could not.

Some people say between the selfish fighting for grades within University and busy timetables, it is difficult to find a true friend. However, I am glad that it has been proven wrong. I did find good friends in the University. I say friends because there is not only one, but a few of you and I cherish each and every one of you. In case you ever wondered, I shall leave the initials here and you recognise yourselves. PS, thanks for being there always when I needed someone to talk to and to share silence with me when I need it most. J, thanks for being my guide and lending me a listening ear whenever I needed sharp, insightful advice into the situations happening around me. S, thanks for bitching with me about common dislikes and likes, for reminding me that there will always be people who appreciate. E, thanks for sharing my weirdest obsession with building stuff and listening to my wildest ideas and lamest jokes. NY, you may not see this, but thanks for always choosing the right moments to appear when I needed someone to ask if I'm alright. I won't crumble but it is nice to know that people still care. Last but not least, H, thanks for sharing moments with me when I was at my weakest, when I just needed an outlet to talk to, to let my frustrations out. Perhaps I have not been the friend always there for you but if you need me, I'm but a call away.

Perhaps the most important I learnt this year was to cherish, to appreciate what I have rather than look at what I did not have. A person who is content is the happiest person be he a king or a pauper. It is only when we cherish what we have that we can find true happiness.

In this world there are so many people that we will meet. Some will become good friends, some will become buddies, some will just remain acquaintances while others I wish I never met. Aside from the friends, there will be those around us with ulterior aims and motives. Human politics, within family, within friends. Honestly, I never cared much for it but often times it is forced upon me due to me being a human, a social creature. What can I do? I can choose, to engage in it, using the experiences I've learnt painfully over the years, and perhaps I could even be a master of it having to deal with it since a very young age. Or I can choose to ignore it, to walk away from all this gaining of favor and false pretentious social interactions. To walk my path amongst those who choose to be sincere and true. In this new year, my resolution is to walk away. Away from the taunts, away from falsehood and present a more true self. Many have tried and many may say it is not possible but I believe I can try. It is way better than the alternative. However, don't think of my walking away as a weakness, as an inability to live in the life of cloak and daggers because if you try to exploit this "weakness", I promise you that I will show you that I do know my way around.

So in the new year, I resolve, to cherish my friends, to walk away from conflicts and to live a meaningful life.

Royston Tan

A person who is content is the happiest person be he a King or a pauper.