It's been a while since I wrote and I miss this feeling dearly. The feeling of sitting down with some time to waste, gathering my thoughts and indulging the withering poet within me. With the hectic pace of my life now, the constant distractions around me, I have found it increasingly difficult to find the time to take a pit stop, stand back and observe what is happening. Now that I am here, the sentences are flowing again. It takes a few more edits than normal and the flow is more of a trickle than a stream but at least it is a start. I should try to make this a more regular endeavour, to sustain my diminishing standards of English writing.
I have mentioned long ago that a Doctorate in Philosophy or PhD was a dream that I wished to pursue since young. The reason for it was not for the possibly higher pay and it was not for the prestige or recognition of academic knowledge. It was a goal set by a younger Royston back in the days of my primary school where the teacher asked me what did I want to be when I grew up. I said I wanted to be a scientist, to help people with knowledge, to bring progress to Mankind. Years have passed and the experiences around me have made me a little more jaded, a little more cynical and this little dream I had since young was dying bit by bit. You see, the world is not an ideal world. Nikola Tesla, who was probably one of greatest minds of our time had lived quite a substantial part of his life as a pauper. Science, Engineering and Knowledge for the greater good of Mankind simply does not pay as well as putting some of that same smarts into say Financial Engineering.
At first sight, it may seem that these people are liars and cheats, taking the easier way in life. However, I recognize it as a choice of theirs out of ingenuity, to maximize profits for minimal effort. While I recognize the path, I also realize it is not the one I want to take. Some may question if it is an insane way of self-torture or a choice made of out of delusional self righteousness and I must admit, I was and always am battling this self-doubt all the time. However at this moment, I still feel that doing so will not bring me true happiness. I do take solace in some of the creature comforts that money can buy but at the same time I realize that my happiest moments came from cheaper times. Like the time when I won a fight I was not expected to win. The thrill of writing my first programs and getting a net server to work. The solution to an issue that has been plaguing the project for a year before I came to solve it. I realize that the idea of analyzing the stock markets, knowing how it works and beating the system to earn maximum profits do not provide me with the sense of satisfaction. I would gladly work late into the night or into weekends if it was to fulfill a customer demand to get engineering parts out to the market quickly but doing so to clinch a deal worth millions or billions to company just feels cold and cliche to me. Thus I realize that the old Royston did not go away. He did grow jaded but he still knows what he wants. Thus as a first step, I want to fulfill this small little dream. Will it make me a great scientist? Not exactly, but it will provide me a platform to learn and do my own little contributions for Science and Mankind.
I am glad to say I have taken the first step, which is to start the programme. Honestly, while it may seem like a big jump at first, I know now that it was probably the easiest step. In the next 3.5 years, I will face increasing tough obstacles in my path towards my dream but I have to conquer them all. In a certain way, I feel like a RPG character setting off on a long quest except in life there is no reset button, there is no second life. However, the tougher the road, the more epic this journey will be. To quote a line from Barney Stinson, "This will be Legendary!".
Royston Tan
I have chosen my path. Have you?
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